Au Naturel.

Your spirit and mind are innate.
A naturally occurring phenomena.
Unbound by the laws of reason.
Free to explore heuristically.
You are essential, vital, crucial.
A rare and genuine force amongst all.
Candid and spontaneous.
Your soul is neither innocent nor naïve.
It is experienced in the wickedness of life.
But dismay you do not.
Rather you absolve yourself of all appalling superficiality.
You are the rare creature all hope to embody.

Natural

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Countless: A Poem.

Imaginary. Nonexistent. Inaccurate.
Is the number that expresses
the reveries in which you are the protagonist.
Indefinable. Empyrean. Ineffable.
Are the sensations my heart experiences
when thoughts of your rowdy hair enter my mind.
Boundless. Seducing. Mesmerizing.
Are those sweet honey eyes
that propel me into a disoriented realm.

My love for you is endless.
Countless.
Like the hours that I wish to be in your presence.
Countless.
Like the stars in the universe.
Countless.
Like the eternity I hope to spend by your side.

Countless.

All is Significant.

Grains. Fragments of a larger structure.
Insignificant to most, even to themselves.
Relevant to few, but necessary to all.
Alone these particles seem inconsequential
But together they are powerful, beyond measure.
Every single speck of grain proves to be necessary.
To its counterparts it serves a purpose.

We, too, feel insignificant when we think of the universe.
We are but specks in this ever-expanding world.
But think about it, each of us is a miniture universe,
Composed of microscopic fragments, working together to give life.
Our cells, these particles, which are composed of even smaller particles
Alone − insignificant, together − maestros of a beautiful orchestra.

Never feel insignificant, for you are a vital instrument
With a greater purpose in a grand musical arrangement.
It only takes one grain of sand to offset the balance
That is the power we all hold. Us, the grains of the universe.

Grain

Note to Self.

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I apologize for hurting you,
for finding you unworthy.
For scolding you on all your failures,
and shaming you overtly.
Forgive me for the pain I’ve caused,
and the scars etched on your skin.
For never having faith in you,
or hope you’d ever win.

I see the pain I’ve caused you,
as I stare into your crying eyes.
All those years of ridicule,
yet you forged a great disguise.
In attempts to hide the sadness,
the confusion, and the shame,
Walls were built and hearts hardened,
a numbed person you became.

Never did I learn the procedure,
to approach someone like you.
Always taught to see the good in others,
but for you I had no clue.
I hope to see the day in which
we can harmoniously coexist.
Where we have moved past this strife,
and the pain no longer persists.

I promise to practice acceptance,
for your every perfect imperfection.
To dedicate time to explore us,
and display unconditional affection.
So, today I come to make amends,
an atonement that’s overdue.
But, tell me, how do you ask for forgiveness,
when that one you’ve hurt is you?

Apology

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Ma muse: le vin.

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For the past 5 months I’ve dedicated myself solely to my classes. And alas, I finished my last final yesterday. I ended the semester with 3 A’s, being the top student in my psychology class, and simply feeling confident − things that I have not accomplished in an incredibly long time.
Tonight I celebrate my success and newfound confidence with a full glass of wine. And now that exams are over, I can finally dedicate some time to writing. I’m sure inspiration will soon enter my life with the help of my trusty Shakespeare socks! Or, maybe it will be the wine’s doing. Only time will tell.
Jubilant

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May your wine and creative juices forever be flowing!

Like the Universe.

Our love is like the universe, expanding exponentially.
It is both vast and endless, emotionally and physically.
Most of which you and I have yet to discover.
A frontier that I’d happily explore with you, my lover.

It is entropic in nature, always seeking disorder.
A rebellious creation. Bound by not one single border.
In a constant state of anarchy, chaos and confusion.
It expels all practicality, so we can bask in its illusion.
For we attempted to control it many a time unsuccessfully.
Quickly noting its stubborn nature, for it never complied willfully.

So, I propose to you, my love, that we embark on an adventure.
To submerge ourselves in our tale, one that’s holier than the scripture.
Let us marvel at our love’s embodiment of both you and I.
Lose ourselves in the cosmos that our souls personify.

Chaos

A Paradox

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Sacrifice can bring you happiness, fulfillment from being selfless. A selfless act that indirectly feeds your ego. It can be both tangible or abstract. A gift, action, gesture, or words. Something simple and temporary. Something grand and for a lifetime. But without reciprocity gratification is replaced by resentment. Resentment that springs from your altruistic tendencies. Though selfless, it lessens the self. It takes from you, be it emotionally, mentally, physically. Sacrifice both strengthens and weakens.

It has a benefactor and a beneficiary. You and them. You are the means to their end. This is the type of sacrifice with which you are instilled. The exhortations come from a pulpit, a parent, an authority. You are taught to sacrifice for others. To give without hesitation in an unrelenting fashion. But were you ever taught to sacrifice for yourself? Are you the means to your own end? Do you drop everything in order to bring yourself joy or happiness?

What do you do when no one sacrifices themselves for you? You are not a priority, not to the same extent that they are for you. So, who do you depend on? Tell me. Why are you taught to sacrifice for others, but not for yourself? You, too, are deserving of your own sacrifice. Sacrifice is a product of love. If you cannot sacrifice for yourself, do you truly love yourself? Do not turn a cold shoulder when you see someone in need. Especially when that someone is you. Prioritize yourself just like you prioritize others. Learn to recognize and address your own needs.

Love yourself, enjoy yourself. Most of all, invest in yourself.

Sacrifice

Bittersweet Fabrication.

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How I wish to take a stroll,
with you by my side.
With not a care in the world,
with a pep in our stride.
We can chat about the weather,
the trees, and the skies.
Or not utter one word,
leave the talking to our eyes.

We can hike through the mountains,
we can run by the sea.
We can let our minds wander blindly,
as long as you’re with me.
I entertain these possibilities
created by my imagination.
It’s where I’m both with and without you.
What a bittersweet fabrication.

Stroll

Be. Just be.

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Writing. It is one of the few tangible things over which I have total control. I decide what I want to divulge and what I want to keep to myself. I choose the tone, the pace, the length. I can safely expose myself, my failures, my aspirations, without fear of rejection, judgement, or ridicule. I write because I know no other way to fully express myself without turning disgruntled heads. I can make fun of myself without seeing the gleam of pity sweep through a person’s eyes. I write because one day some sad soul, like mine, will stumble upon my words and realize that he is not alone. I write because it keeps me sane. I write because it brings me pride, despite what the ‘Stats’ depict.

My raison d’être? It is simply that, to be. To be and enjoy and love all that I am and all that I will become. So, you. Yes, you. The beautiful soul that is reading this. Be. Just be.

P.S. Go buy yourself some flowers, champ. You deserve them.
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Raison D’être

The Physician’s Shadow

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For those of you poor unfortunate yet unadulterated lucky souls who have read my ‘About’ tab, let me enlighten you on my choice of format. The glorious resumé: something that every college student knows all too well. That sheet of paper that supposedly defines who we are and what we have accomplished. This exhibition, if you will, illustrates our accumulated experience that makes us attractive, thus competitive, when applying to jobs, graduate programs, and the illustrious medical school. In an attempt to expand my resumé, I was on the lookout for any opportunity to intern or shadow a doctor. Luckily, through a friend that I made during my arduous 5-hour, biweekly mammalian lab (dreadful up the wazoo, I know), I was able to acquire a position as a shadow for one of the best pediatricians in the city. A year later, I can say that shadowing this incredible physician has been one of the best opportunities I have ever been given by the universe (not that the universe is too forthcoming with opportunities, but I am still grateful). You will get to know and learn to love this man, just as I did during my present time. Continue reading